My Words, My Thoughts, My Life, My Friends, My Work, My imaginations

WEEKLY QUOTE: Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, Something is out of tune.

Archive for the category “love”

See Me

Hey, I’m staring at you, yes you

I know u are looking at me
But can u SEE ME?

You see me the little girl naive and scared of everything
And has to run to daddy and mommy for every single thing
unsophisticated, cannot stand on her own two feet,
Doesn’t know her left from right or her right from wrong
But do you SEE ME the grown ass mature woman
Who can make her own decision and choices?
You see me the spoiled little boy, had everything handed to him
Ungrateful little brat, doesn’t think of anyone or anything but his damn self.
But do you SEE ME, the man trying to make the best of life,
Trying to make ends meet and provide for his loved ones?
You see me, the insecure girl, who is depressed, deprived,
self-conscious, oppressed, obsessed with trying too hard,
Cos she is afraid she’ll never be loved for who she is
But do you SEE ME the confident, stunning, beautiful independent,
Strong lady who has evolved?
You see me the douche bag, mean, lying, self-absorbed,
insensitive, ungrateful young man, ego as big as a bag of rice on my shoulder
But do you SEE ME, the selfless, considerate, sweet, amazingly incredible lover, who would do anything for his woman?
You see me the shallow, selfish, silly, dull, clumsy, wimp
But do you SEE ME the deep, intelligent, creative, brilliant guru
You see me your goofy bestfriend, always there when your heart has been broken, the shoulder to cry on when your world crumbles
But do you SEE ME the one that wants earnestly to be your soul mate and love you like no one else would?
I’m here, i’m there, I’m wherever you want me to be
Cos i can’t stop looking at you, i can’t stop staring at you
I’m screaming, whaling, scratching, digging
Trying so freaking hard to get your attention
Can’t you SEE ME? i’m right in front of you
and you don’t even know i’m there
You act like i don’t exist
No matter how hard I try or what I do, you keep staring at the “ME” u want to see
what am i to do now?
should i keeping standing in front of you
hoping, someday, somehow  you see me?
the “ME” that i want you to SEE?
the “ME” that the rest of the world sees?
Sometimes, i want to throw my hands up and say
Screw this shit, i don’t care anymore
But you are the one that matters
you are the one that needs to SEE ME.
So i’ll wait, through the hurt and the pain
Till you SEE ME

Fear

Feels like a great time to share this piece from my young friend Dsonuga. Enjoy.

20121114-135753.jpg

 

The fear of being alone,

The fear of not being enough,

not tough, not buff

enough

To take the pain. To gain the understanding

the lyrics of life.

Why? they ask,

Why? can’t I be free,

to live…as just me.

must I diet? I don’t buy it.

Perhaps cover up and tight clothes,

A fake nose

Why? they ask, can’t I live free

What ever happened to loving without the money?

Caring without asking for more, and more.

Acting like a fucking Money whore.

For the magical lyrics of life have spoken to me,

I bleed,

Let loose the ties that bind me.

I’m FREE!

because I am me.

I take my bow, because I am done playing foul

I take my bow,

Because I am DONE with this shit now.

 

The Pain in My Chest

Saturday night or i should say morning Rachel glanced at the alarm clock

It was 3:15 am again

This was the 5th night she was waking up at exactly the same time
Waking up to the same sharp pain
she pushed herself out of bed, to the bathroom
Opened the wardrobe at the top of the mirror
Popped two pills (tylenol)
Her eyes were burning red
Thinking to herself
I am tired, oh sooooo tired of this pain
It won’t go away
I have tried everything
This pain in my chest, i have taken every pain pill i know of
Nothing worked
This pain in my chest, i tried to drink it all away
All i got was drunk with empty bottles of pinot noir
This pain in my chest, all the sweet words of my loved ones
Won’t heal it.
Ok! she thought tomorrow is sunday, i am going to pray this pain away
Early sunday morning, she got dress in her best skirt suit
Made her way to church
Even though she has not been there in months
She prayed hard
Asked God to take this pain away
Sunday night/ morning, 3:15 am she was up again
This night worse than the others
Felt like someone was squeezing from the inside
She staggered to the bathroom, popped two more pills
She called her doctor, Sorry to bug you this late doc
I need to come in the morning
I can’t seem to shake this pain in my chest
Monday morning
Grabbed her cup of coffee
Got into her car
plugged her iPhone
Fired up her Favourite playlist
Music will make me feel better she thought
Emeli Sande, Snow Patrol, Jessie J, Natasha Bedingfield, Frank Ocean
She socked in every single lyric as she drove to the doctor’s office
Series of exams later
She sitting in the waiting room
Fidgeting, biting her finger nails, paranoid
Freaking out
Do i have some kind of condition?
Am i going to need surgery?
The doctor came back with the results
Would you step into my office he says
Now she’s shaking, hot and cold all at once
Doc opens his mouth to speak and she closed her eyes
waiting for the worst
I don’t know how to say this but
Rachel, there is nothing wrong with you physically
I’m sorry but i think it is all in your head
I suggest you go see your therapist
“You want me to go see a shrink” she snapped at him
Thanks for your time doctor,
she stormed out of the office
Heart racing
the shooting pain was back
She rushed to her car, tears in her eyes
She sat down for a few minutes
Her head on the steering wheel
She put her palm on her chest
She let her mind flash back through the last one week
Thought of all that happened
Events that she suppressed and blocked out
As the memories flushed back, the pain worsened
Then she realised it
It was her heart, nursing this pain in her chest
Poor Little Rachel
Her precious heart was broken.

FLAWSOME

She flipped the switch on in the bathroom
A bright light came on
She rushed to the mirror to look at her face
she smiled, it was still perfect looking
Even after all the dancing and sweat.
She took a few minutes to appreciate how flawless her skin looked
Her perfectly arched brows, her carefully shaded and highlighted cheek bones
Flush of pink blusher that warmed her face up
Beautiful colours that brightened up her eyes

and those perfectly shaped lips

She giggled
saying to herself “you can’t go wrong with Ruby woo”
Thank you Mac for covering those scars
Thank you NYX for hiding the dark circles under my eyes
she kept staring at herself
then the voices started
you’ll look better with smaller lips
your forehead is too big
your nose is too wide
your eyes are to wide apart
Did you see tope at the party today?
why can’t you be more like her?
She played back the scene
Everyone was talking about how how tight Tope’s abs are.
Yep! she muttered Tope is perfect
she closed her eyes for a second and flipped it open
but the voice only got louder
they were screaming at her
you are too fat
your thighs are too thick
you butt is too small
your boobs are too small
you are not perfect.
she put her hands on her head
shut her eyes really really tight
and screamed “SHUT UP”
they were gone
all the voices
Took another look in the mirror
she started laughing
I know i’m not perfect
No one is
I fail I fall I falter
I make mistakes
I have FLAWS but they are AWESOME
God took his time to make me the way I am
So I am unique.
No one is like me.
I am one of a Kind
she took out her blot powder
touched up her face
took one last look
a smile and a wink.
and went back to the party

SILENCE

Pacing up and down in the living room

I said to myself

Today is the day,

I am going to do it

I am going to find my voice
I will tell you exactly  how i feel
I have been waiting for so long
picked up my glass of chardonnay
took a big gulp
looked over at the bottle,
it was almost empty
i kept drinking
As thought about it carefully
Over and over again in my head
I heard the door open
My hearts skipped a beat
My mouth suddenly turned dry
My palm sweating
it was time
I Open my mouth to speak and it all came gushing
like water through a broken cistern
How could you do these to me? i screamed
I gave you  everything
my whole world, My life, My love, My heart
And you act like it means nothing to you.
Who was there when u were nothing?
Who was there when you were down?
Who was there when u needed someone to believe in you?
i asked between gritted teeth
Now u have it all
everything u ever dreamed of and it becomes so easy to forget
We don’t mean nothing to you anymore?
i was shaking, screaming at the top voice
i could feel my lungs aching
NO NO NO!!!!
You can’t throw all we toiled to build away
you just can’t
I won’t let you.
I’m talking to you
Look at me
please answer, say something,
ANSWER ME damn it!!!!!!
Silence was all i could hear and the sound of my heart racing
I was so mad, pretending you can’t hear me?
My blood was boiling
I couldn’t take it anymore
There was nothing i could do
So, i THREW A PUNCH real hard
Instantly, i felt a sense of release,
It was replaced by a sharp pain
Then the smell of fresh blood filled my nostrils
And there came the voice of my frightened 2year old baby girl “MAMAAAAA” she cried out
I looked at my fist, still moulded from throwing that punch
dripping with blood
I looked up slowly to the hundred images of myself in the shattered mirror in front of me.

Childhood

Was looking at my family bbm group today and my dad posted this, i thought it was hilarious. but its made me remember how much i enjoyed my childhood. i looked through the list and i remember doing every single thing on it.
whoever came up with this…. THANK YOU…LOL.

Which one of these did u do as a child?
1)Dip d bread inside d tea?
2)Mix d entire white rice n stew b4 eatin?
3)Pour dry garri on ur beans poridge?
4)Share d meat & let d eldest pick?
5)Crack d bone & suck out d marrow?
6)Can nt eat d meat until u finsh d fud?
7)Put d mornin tea in d freezer 2 block?
8)Bite d crown & putin it inside d bottle of coke?
9)Use d meat 2 finish d remainin eba?
10)Putin medicine inside d roll of eba?
11)Lickin d plate wit ur tongue?
12)After eatin biscuit or bread, Usin ur finger 2remove d particles on Ur teeth & den lick it?

Y’LL LET ME KNOW WHICH ONE YOU DID.

The Hype

We meet, Hit it off instantly, spend hours talking and laughing, getting to know basic things about each other.

then we run out of time. AWWWWWW!!! how sad, wish we could have spent more time talking.
we exchange numbers, we get to our different destinations and immediately my phone beeps… i look at it and i smile, the message reads “hey it was nice talking to u today” and i say “same hey, u r funny, my cheeks still hurts from laughing”
and so it goes on, text to text and call to call we build this amazing connection.
Everything seems perfect, we have everything in common, we spend everytime we can together, spend hours chatting, sometimes, its like we can read each other’s minds. we finish each other’s sentences. it’s perfect, A match made in heaven…

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My Words, My Thoughts, My Life, My Friends, My Work, My imaginations

WEEKLY QUOTE: Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, Something is out of tune.

MusingComet

the universe within.